


I Have Always Known Your Name

by VictoriousVictoria



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: A bit introspective, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Light Angst, Light has no memories of being Kira, M/M, POV L, Spoilers, Yotsuba Arc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-18
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2019-04-04 07:03:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14014833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VictoriousVictoria/pseuds/VictoriousVictoria
Summary: In a world where everyone is born with the name of their soulmate tattooed on their wrist, L refuses to meet Light face to face. After all, it is most unwise to show your face to someone you believe is Kira when he already knows your name.





	I Have Always Known Your Name

In a world where the name of your soulmate is written on your wrist the name on L’s arm reads Hannah Smith in looping elegant handwriting. This name is written in pencil, he was not born with it, and so, it is not a true soulmark. But it looks like the real thing.

After the Kira case is solved he will change it again, choose a different name to wear openly on his arm. L does not attempt to cover up the text with a bracelet, it is after all quite common not to, especially if you are from Europe or North America. Usually the long-sleeved white shirts he favours falls in the way and hides the text from view, but every now and then the sleeve is pulled back slightly as he moves around, which allows those curious to catch a glimpse of the name. Matsuda has of course asked about it, after only meeting the man once L knew that it was only a matter of time before he would. The answer Matsuda got was that Hannah Smith is the name of L’s grandmother, a believable lie; after all, approximately 38.7 % of all soulmate bonds are platonic. Matsuda believed him but the other researchers were not as easily convinced. L is 98 % sure that Soichiro Yagami saw through even the lie that Hannah Smith is the name of his real soulmate. Light was not present for the discussion which L is thankful for, since he would very much prefer not to discuss the subject of soulmates with him.

”I’m going to call this a day. Don’t stay up all night, leave some work for the rest of us.” Soichiro Yagami says jokingly as he gets up from his place in front of one of the many computers in the room. He shoots a smile in L’s direction but receives none in return, just a quick glance and a nod. With a sigh, no doubt despairing L’s social skills, Soichiro moves over to the monitors in front of L, he leans forward slightly and pushes a button.

“I’m going to bed now, good night son. Make sure you get some sleep too,” he says into the microphone. On the middle right screen they can both see how Light turns his head to look away from his laptop and into one of the cameras monitoring the room he is sitting in.

“Good night,” Light answers with a slight smile, “don’t worry, I’m going to bed soon.”

The smile is a bit strained but Soichiro doesn’t seem to notice. Light is an excellent actor, and, to be completely honest, L is a bit surprised that he picked up on how the smile does not quite reach Light’s eyes. L thinks that the only reason he can see that the smile if fake is because he was expecting it. Something between Light and his father changed that moment when Soichiro pointed a gun at Light and pulled the trigger. L knows that Soichiro would never shoot Light and he believes that intellectually Light also knows this. It still changed something, it was probably a traumatic experience for Light.

Maybe it is for the best that Light is working from a different location than the rest of the investigators, this way he does not need to see his father every day. Light is no longer locked into a tiny cell. He has been allowed to join the Kira case as agreed upon, but he is still under L’s surveillance at all times. The comfortable one-room apartment L has provided Light with has cameras filming every inch and microphones that catch even the tiniest whisper.

Soichiro smiles back at Light, which in L’s mind is rather unnecessarily since Light obviously can’t see him or he would see L as well and that would be bad. Showing his face to someone he is almost certain is, or at some point was, Kira would be incredibly stupid. Kira only needs a name and a face in order to kill and Light already has his name…

The thought that Light might no longer be Kira is both confusing and annoying, L does not understand how that is possible and yet it becomes increasingly likely with each passing day. Normally he doesn’t mind a puzzle, he thrives on them, but the pieces of this particular puzzle are all wrong. It is as if halfway through putting them together someone came and exchanged the remaining pieces for ones that form a completely different picture. How can a person lose all memories of being a killer but remember everything else? It makes no sense.

Or, L thinks scornfully, maybe he was wrong and Light Yagami is innocent. It is not a pleasant thought, not only because L absolutely loathes to be wrong about something but also because it would mean that he is putting Light through all of this, through hell, only because he is too stubborn to admit that he was wrong. He hates that he cares about that, about Light, and he hates that he has started to doubt himself.

L is at a disadvantage, he has been from the beginning of this case. It makes his ever present paranoia worse than ever which fuels his insomnia. He is currently working on maybe two hours of sleep and so many cups of sugary coffee that he has lost count, though Watari obviously has not. Last time he entered the room, brining L yet another slice of cake, he was sending L concerned looks. He is right to be worried, though L would never admit that out loud. L estimates that his deductive skills are down by at least 20 % at the moment and in order to solve this case he needs them at a 100 %.

Soichiro has left the room now and L is alone with the computers and the boy on the other end of the monitors. The digital clock on his computer is showing 02:34 AM and L briefly entertains the idea of trying to get some sleep, he is tired enough to fall asleep where he is, if only he would let himself. Since Light is still awake he will not. It is not that he feels like he has to stay awake to monitor Light, he trusts Watari to do that. Besides he can always watch the recordings from the surveillance cameras at a later point if he gets the feeling that Watari might have missed something important. No, the reason why L won’t let himself fall asleep is because something about Light’s behaviour is clearly off. Usually Light follows a strict routine that has him going to sleep at least before one in the night, he only stays awake for longer if he is working on something important. Though, L knows that Light is not working on anything that cannot wait until tomorrow as he can see Light computer screen on one of the monitors. Light is scrolling through news sites, has been for the past two hours, seemingly searching for news of killings connected to the Kira case, and, while this is important to the ongoing investigation, it is nothing that cannot wait until tomorrow. L has the distinct feeling that Light is only pretending to be working.

If that is indeed true then it is not difficult to guess why. It is perfectly logical really; Light is pretending to work on something important and thus has an excuse to stay up late, his father and the other researchers stay late but never the whole night, however, L usually works most of the night and always goes to bed last. Light has something he wishes to discuss with L in private, well, as private as it gets when one is constantly being filmed by surveillance cameras. L will not let on that he knows this. It is better to wait for Light to make the first move.

Light has stopped scrolling though the news site that is currently displayed on his screen. He is gathering his thoughts, probably deciding on how to best bring up the subject he wishes to discuss. L mentally prepares himself for one of their verbal duels.

“Please excuse me if this is too forward, but seeing as you are my soulmate you can’t fault me for asking if I am yours?”, it is a direct approach, something L wouldn’t have expected from Light only a couple of weeks ago, but lately Light seems to have changed, only slightly, and now he keeps surprising L by acting out of character. After having watched back the survival tapes L guesses that the change started taking place around day seven of Light’s first confinement. The change he has noted in Light supports the theory that he was possessed by Kira. Irritated, L pushes that notion aside, he needs to focus on Light’s question, he has already waited a beat too long with his answer.

“What makes Light-kun think that I am his soulmate?”, L tries to pass off his slight hesitation as innocent confusion. He does not want to have this conversation but, now that Light has brought it up, L is determined to make it as difficult and annoying as possible.

Light sighs which makes L smile slightly. Light unbuttons his shirtsleeve and pulls it up, removes the protective bracelet, and holds his bared wrist up to the camera. The scribbled “L Lawliet” on his skin is in clear view on the monitor. It is not the first time L has seen the name. His name.

“I would think it pretty obvious, L isn’t exactly a very common name”, Light replies simply.

“It is my alias, not my name. Does Light-kun not know what an alias is?”, L asks, all innocence.

“Come on L, we both know that this”, Light shakes his arm slightly for emphasis, “is your name. Which means that you are my soulmate. If it wasn’t your name, you wouldn’t have bothered locking me up in my own separate office when I asked to be part of the Kira case.”

“Light-kun is a suspect.”

“But if I hadn’t already known your name it wouldn’t have mattered. Kira needs both a face and a name in order to kill so you could have let me work from the same office as you, safe in the knowledge that I did not have your name.”

“Does that mean that Misa’s soulmate is also L Lawliet?”

“No, but you probably think that I have told her your name. I have not, by the way.”

“Light-kun could not have told Misa my name since he does not know it.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Why would Light-kun insist on asking me a personal question if he refuses to believe my answer? It seems rather pointless.”

“You haven’t even answered the original question”, Light is getting annoyed now. Good.

“Which was?” L asks in his most innocent tone.

The office is silent except for the faint noise coming from the computers in the room. Light takes a deep breath to calm himself.

“Am I your soulmate?”

A beat.

“No.”

Another.

“I don’t believe you.”

“Light-kun is awfully full of himself.”

“I know that it wouldn’t make a difference to our situation. Being your soulmate probably only makes you more suspicious of me and I can see how that makes sense in your twisted logic. But you are wrong. I would never hurt anyone, least of all my soulmate. Either way I don’t see why you can’t just be honest with me about this. I don’t know what you look like and no matter what your answer is I still know your name” Light is looking into the camera with big, honest, brown eyes that seems to shine as they reflect the light from the laptop in front of him. He is beautiful. Handsome. Attractive. All things that L knows he himself is not. But L will not be drawn in by a pretty face. It is that ingenious brain of Light’s that poses the real danger. Still, he will not let it affect the case. The case always comes first. L knows better than to trust others with personal information that is in no way relevant to the work. There is nothing to gain from answering ‘yes’ to that question. Well, that is not quite true, but, it does not outweigh the risk.

L knows that he is paranoid but one does not become the world’s top three greatest detectives by acting trusting. He never wanted to have this conversation and he has a creeping feeling that he might have given away too much just by allowing the topic of soulmates to be discussed. He needs to shut this conversation down.

“The likelihood of Light-kun being Kira just went up with 5 %”, L states calmly. 

Light sighs. He refastens the bracelet around his wrist so that it covers the name written there. “I am never going to get an honest answer out of you, am I?”, he says, sounding tired.

“I have answered honestly”, L answers blankly. Finally Light seems to understand that he will get nowhere with this approach. 

“Good night L.” It is a tactical retreat, L guesses, the battle is not over.

“Good night, Light-kun.”

Light gets up from behind his desk and starts getting ready for bed. L continues to look at the middle right screen, which is now showing an empty desk. He is tired but he will not be able to sleep tonight.

Because of the insomnia. 

Because of the paranoia. 

His thoughts are running circles through his head. He is worrying about the conversation and picking it apart, wondering if Light got anything out of it, if he made any mistakes, if he let anything slip. What will Light’s next move be? When will he try again? The thoughts make L’s whole body itch with the desire to look at his left arm. But he will not, because he will not let himself. 

On his left arm, under the careful layer of waterproof makeup and a fake name belonging to no one in particular, is the scar from a burn. The scar is distorting the skin making the name that once were written there in neat precise handwriting illegible. It is a safety measure. Having a soulmate is a risk, a liability. The name was removed a long time ago. It was his own choice.

L still remembers the name. It is a safety measure.

He wishes he could allow himself to forget it.

**Author's Note:**

> I've always loved soulmate fanfics but I never thought I would write one myself since I'm terrible at writing fluff. However, the idea of Light already knowing L's name due to them being soulmates was too interesting not to write about (and this story is closer to angst than fluff so...). 
> 
> I think that if L knew that Light knew his name it would alter the original storyline quite significantly. I'm not sure if I think it would alter L's or Light's fate, but who knows?
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this oneshot! ^^


End file.
